Monday June 19, 2017
Where is La La Land? Is it just a parallel universe away? Can it be found by the Ole Bud Neill Gang? Talking of which, it is an amazing fact that this is the first time I, wee Ned, have played a real part in the Ole Bud Neill gang Show, usually the others get all the peach roles: Sheriff Lobey Dosser, the half hearted anti hero, always pitted against the not so cunning as he thinks get rich schemes of Rank Bajin. Yet, the reluctant Sherriff always overcomes the dubious attractions of greed with cack-handed fairness. A right pair of flymen they are, like Francie & Josie, or Laurel and Hardy: ‘That’s another fine mess you’ve got me into’cleared up. Ms Fairy Nuff is a constant puzzle to understand, as she speaks in rhyming couplets ungrammatical. Can anyone make sense of her appeal to be human: ‘ the tonic of gin, dream to taste, the drama of life come true, Nuff drink desires enuff’’. Then, my Mother, Annie Jane The GI Bride, originally just a one line joke thumbing a lift back to ‘Pertick’ in the middle of the Arizona desert, why? In last year’s show Mother was a Mae West character ‘Come up and see me sometime’ and ‘ is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me’ - this year she’s modelling herself on Marilyn Monroe, claiming that ‘A kiss on the hand may be quite continental but Diamonds are a girl’s best friend’.
However, if she had a small cartoon role, I was tiny, a right wee Ned, but now I’ve grown into the part to be a wee big Ned.
Aye its Big Ned’s High Noon. Do not forsake me o my darling on this my big night. I’m like Gary Cooper, the heroic Town Sheriff standing alone in a gunfight against revenge crazy gunslingers. Now it’s my chance to win the quickdraw, to triumph over despair with tasty pieces of humour. That is I will sandwich in some wisecracks about a La La land I know well.
The districts of Glasgow do have other-worldly mystique: What do you think people can do when they are on holiday here? After some thoughtlessly careful research I have some questions: Do they go to Anniesland to see the Temple, or to Carncad to see the Bear in its den? Or Kirkliston to hear the sermon on the Mount Vernon? Can they visit the Auldhoose and have a Merrylee time?
Ho hum, I have overhead of many mysterious things happening in this city: Mary-hill parked her Carstairs in the Woodlands of Broomhill. Bellahouston took her Barrow-to-the-field or was it the Kings park, no Queens park, or was it possibly Possill Park , sure that would be impossill- ble. But the Tradeston man of Scotstoun, has been seen in crossmyloof eating lots of Oatlands and has a High Possill-ibility of getting a Knightswood for services to Toryglen . Though Jenny Lind thought it was all a joker, in Yoker. Eggsactly.
Excuse me, I have something in my eyebrox.
Whom did these Arden-t tourists meet on their holidays? They met a beat-priest from Monklands in Drumchapel. They met a Macgregor in Robroy-ston. Then they met a crowd of women with the same name in Anniesland . They had a meeting with a wild animal in Bearsden. They netted a herd of sheep in Lambhill. They found a home for eggs in easterhouse. Did some fancy dancing called the Auchen = shuggle. Got caught in a traffic jam reaching for Carmyles. Climbed up to see a witch on Haghill. Drank lots of bouncy water in Springburn. In Cowglen they had a lovely view of the Castle -o-milk….
Ho hum, I hope that I have Provan-hill to you all that that La la Land is an real imaginary state of mind. However it is now time for me to seek out a tasty snack in a parallel universe with the Ole Bud Neill Gang at the bar-lanark ,the Bar-mulloch and the Bar-rachnie. Hopefully I won’t end up in the Bar L.
Blog post by Duncan Comrie ahead of Lobey Dosser Day - 23 June. See info here